Lifehouse: hanging by a moment

This song will always have a special place in my heart. When God first began speaking to me through music, this song was in the top ten. Now, I've always loved music, I remember as a kid I used to love just listening to the radio. Then in high school I joined a punk rock band where I wrote songs about all the anger, angst and loneliness I felt in my heart. For most of my life those were the types of songs that I gravitated towards. It wasn't until God entered my life that He began to connect me to the deeper longings of my heart that lay hidden beneath the anger, angst and loneliness: longings for peace, hope and love. When this happened the music within my heart began to change.

When I say that God began speaking to me through music I mean there were times where I literally felt like the song on the radio was being played just for me, like God was talking directly to my heart in that moment. Has that ever happened to you? Music has played a huge part in how God drew me to Himself. Like I said I was loud and angry, but God used music to connect me to the deeply broken places in my heart; places which I'd ignored for so long, it was like they never existed. But the more I connected with my heart, the more I connected with God and the more I connected with God, the more I connected with my heart. These were some of the most frightening and exciting times of my life: the first days of my spiritual awakening.

Needless to say, I was overwhelmed at everything I was now experiencing. I was really kind of clueless at what was happening. All I knew was that I liked what was happening and I wanted more, but I didn't know what I wanted more of. Looking back I now know that God was literally transforming my heart. So when I first heard this song, the lyrics helped me put words to the deep rumblings in my heart that I was too afraid to embrace let alone speak. Little did I know that all this time God was wooing me, He was showing me just how much He loved and cared for me and how much He desired to be with me and that all the feelings welling up in me reflected the reality that I was actually falling in love with God. "Desperate for changing, starving for truth, I'm closer to where I started chasing after You. I'm falling even more in love with You, letting go of all I've held onto.."

The Goo Goo Dolls: Sympathy

There's something about this song that will always moves me. Maybe it's because the lyrics remind me of my own personal aspirations, the dreams that have the power to consume me if I'm not careful. I can get pretty driven at times where I can isolate myself from others for the sake of achievement. Going after my dreams at the exclusion of others is a lonely path to be on. "I'm killing myself from the inside out and all my fears have pushed you out."

This song makes me think through the priorities of my life and where I've lost sight of what's really important in life. "I wish for things that I don't need (all I wanted) and what I chase won't set me free (all I wanted)." Whenever I hear those lyrics I am reminded of the times where I've put material things over and above people. Where I've made idols of stuff or achievements at the expense of others. Fame and fortune are cruel taskmasters. "It's hard to lead the life you choose (all I wanted) when all your luck's run out on you..."

Receiving sympathy when you feel so undeserving of it can be a very strange feeling indeed. Our shame doesn't know what to do with it and our pride doesn't want to accept it. But, sympathy is a still a gift. Sympathy says, "I may not know what you're going through, but I feel for you." Sympathy motivates people towards love and understanding and has the power to form an invisible bond between persons. Sympathy makes room in a person's heart for another. "Stranger than your sympathy...and I'm not sure where I belong." Sympathy says you belong. 

David Crowder Band: thank You for Hearing me

This song hits really close to home these days because I'm realizing just how much of a gift from God is my faith in Jesus. There are so many people in the world who are searching for something to believe in. My prayer for them is that I hope God guides them to what they are looking for. Ultimately, from my perspective I know that to be God Himself. My life before placing my faith in Jesus and after are like night and day. Before I was lost and wandered aimlessly from one thing to another trying to find satisfaction. Today, I have this satisfaction that I carry around with me because the Holy Spirit dwells within me, His presence dampens the need to find satisfaction elsewhere. 

So, if there is a current anthem to my heart right now this song would be it: "Thank You for loving me....Thank You for finding me....Thank You for hearing me....Thank You for healing me....Thank You for saving me....Thank You for loving me." My heart is so grateful that God has through His grace redirected my faith from so many other things and has placed it firmly upon His one and only amazing Son, Jesus, my Savior and Lord. Thank You God!

What's the anthem of your heart? 

All That I Am

Lost in this world full of demons and ghosts,
I walk heavy-laden with their spittle upon my soul.
Enshrouded in darkness, their essence hardens all that I am, trapping me
within a solid steel shell that hinders
my walk back towards You. Enslaved and filled
with the evil desires from this other worldly land, You
shower me with love, gently nurturing me with a kind hand
replacing these lustful wants with a simple love and devotion
which starts to soften all that I am.

With the knowledge of this new found love and devotion, questions
surface and pour out from the deepest part of my soul.
Is there something more to this spiritual world?
Can there be a new beginning? Can I be set free?
Fear grips me in its steel grasp, sending me
reeling in insecurity to a vacuous stronghold. Frozen
in an arctic desert of uncertainty, I stand
shivering in space. Fiery missiles rain down from above - penetrating
this hardened layer, this false covering. Spearing
into the ground, crackling the frozenness, baking
the land, melting its cold comfort
which starts to warm all that I am.

Beginning by opening my heart, You purposefully speak
directly to my spirit, reassuring me that the deep ache within
me will be finally filled and that I will be free.
Hearing Your Word as it starts to pour into my soul, You
answer all my questions that now flow freely out to You.
Longing for the quiet peacefulness of Your arms, I wait -
with an open heart and willing spirit as Your transcending
peace envelopes me, basking me in a light
of purity, housing me in a true safe haven
which starts to reshape all that I am.

Throw me into the fire of forgiveness, purge me
of all this misbegotten shame and guilt, mold me
into a man of character, into a man of integrity, refining
all that I am into all that I will ultimately become.