Jesus and The Introverted Thought Life (a personal commentary)

This post is for all the introverts (like myself) though technically I would consider myself an "ambivert" because there are times I do gain energy when I'm around people, but other times it is draining for me. But, if push came to shove, I do prefer to be by myself to recharge, which technically puts me firmly in the introvert camp. 

We introverts are a funny and peculiar lot. 

I can relate to this saying. There are days that I just feel like being away from people. Sometimes, even when I go out I will purposefully go out of my way to minimize my interactions with people. Now, if you are an introvert reading this I know you can relate and have probably done the same. But, I would ask that you would try and hold off any assumptions, judgments and conclusions about this and me. 

Something that I've come to realize and I know that I may offend some people in saying this: "We introverts (yes I include myself) are really good at judging people and casting them in a suspicious and negative light." The reasoning behind this (in my humble opinion) is because safety is a top priority (if not the highest priority) for an introvert. In many ways, we would like the outer world to reflect our inner world. And when it doesn't we tend to think through the many different scenarios (sometimes over and over again) until we come to an acceptable outcome. Why we do this is because we are making sure we are prepared (which helps us feel safe) or have some sort of escape route or plan just in case things don't go the way we'd like them to go. 

I can tell you from my own personal experience, that this has been true for me and I believe I am not the only introvert who feels this way. Introverts are always thinking. I appreciate this cartoon's depiction "He's got the whole world in his head." It's true. One of the hardest things for an introvert to do is to get out of their head. 

Now to the point of this blog post. 

Something God has been challenging me on is my inner thought life. More specifically on my thought life towards others. You see, I've been praying (for over a year now) asking Jesus to help me live firmly in a place of grace and goodness towards others. And since I've started praying this, God has been answering by challenging me on my introverted judgmental thought life. 

I mean how can I extend grace and goodness to others if I am having suspicious and negative thoughts about them? Thinking they have ulterior motives which at times may be true, but not always. Now I do think it is perfectly fine to make notes and observations about the things happening around us. I mean collecting data and growing in our understanding of human nature and the world around us is a good thing. But, when suspicion and negativity become the filter in which we discern the world around us, I think this is a problem. 

I mean, why can't we think better of people by giving them the "benefit of the doubt" when it comes to why they are doing what they are doing. Or better yet, wouldn't it be better to hold off all judgments until we've actually engaged with the person? Now before you start making conclusions like I'm being naive and foolish (too late?), I would further add that our thought life will always color the way we interact with people.

So, if I have already concluded some negative or suspicious things about someone even before I've engaged with them, my non-verbal language will show this in my facial expressions, body language, spacial distancing, even my vocal tone, speed or hesitancy will make these known.

Now, on the other hand, if I have withheld any suspicious or negative judgments and assumptions, I am free to see each person before me with minimal bias and be able to speak and engage with them from a place of grace and goodness. Isn't that how we see Jesus engaging with people in the Gospels? I mean He already knew things about people which was 100% accurate, unlike us who at best could be maybe averaging a 50% accuracy rate, but regardless of what He knew, Jesus still treated them with from a place of grace and goodness.

So, to all my fellow introverts, I dare you to pray this prayer: "God, help me to live firmly in the place of grace and goodness towards others." And when you do, be ready to come face to face with all your judgmental junk.

If I could share a little wisdom I've learned along the way is that God is interested in bring a lasting inward transformation to you. This means He's not really focused on your behavior, but on the condition and shape of your heart. Something I've come to realize is that the older we get, the better we are at masking our disingenuousness.

So I urge you to resist trying to hide and mask your junk but to actually invite Holy Spirit into it. And if you find yourself arguing within yourself, know that maybe you're actually arguing with Holy Spirit. In these moments, pause, take a breath, and tell Him you're sorry for trying to justify your thoughts and ways and begin listening and letting go.

I'm not going to try and sugar coat this in anyway, this is a rough and hard road to walk because it means allowing God to touch and shape the deepest parts of who we are. But, as I have been actively engaging in this for a little while now, I can tell you it is worth it. There is so much peace and freedom here that is life giving and releasing. 

African Time

Integrating into the Tanzanian culture has meant accepting the reality of African time. Simply put, African time is the understanding that life happens, so delay happens. So far, I see two contributing factors to “African time.” Firstly, because the majority (89%) of Tanzanians are living on less than $1.25 a day, this means their access and means to things is limited. Hence, walking everywhere is commonplace which creates delay. Secondly, in my last post, I described the importance of knowing another’s life news. I believe this also feeds into African time. Greeting people is so very important to Tanzanians and spending a few minutes greeting someone is commonplace. Now put these two scenarios together and you have African time. On the one hand, you have people walking everywhere and as they are walking along they are spending a significant amount of time greeting their friends and neighbors.

Currently, I am reading this book called “Soul Guide” by Bruce Demarest. In this book on spiritual direction he makes a fair observation of the current Western culture that people are seen more as obstacle then opportunities. Let me explain, Westerners like to fill their days with appointment after appointment (yes, I am guilty of this) and when we encounter people throughout our day, they become more like obstacles to get over or around, so that we don’t miss our next appointment. Now, the challenge the author puts to us is this: rather than seeing the person before us as a hindrance to our next appointment, see this person as our next “divine” appointment. Maybe a good lesson we can learn from African time is that we need to slow down and take the time to greet one another. Who knows the next person that “gets in your way” maybe the very person in whom you can impact for all eternity with the good news of the Gospel?

Habari Yako?

Over this past week, I had the opportunity to visit some friends who were called by God two years ago to share Jesus with the Zanzibari people. My initial experience of the Zanzibari people was that they see “wazungu” (white people) or “watlii” (tourists) as $$. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been harassed to look at this or to buy that or beckoned to come over here or there. Now I fully understand that from their perspective that’s why the “wazungu” come to Zanzibar, for tourism. I found it interesting to watch the Zanzibaris interact with my friends who are fluent in Swahili. They would walk up to them just as they did me and say a greeting in Swahili, but whenever my friends greeted them back or asked them questions in return in Swahili, they would simply walk away. Hence, I couldn’t help but feel like most of the time, they were simply sizing people up. The saying on the island is that there is the “wazungu” price and then the “Zanzibari” or “real” price. Now, if that’s all the interaction I had with Zanzibaris, my conclusion would be that they are no different than the locals in any other touristy city I’ve ever been too.

But, because my friends have been living on Zanzibar for two years, they have made some “rafiki” (friends) in which they are in genuine fellowship with. It is through seeing their interaction that I’ve come to see the heart and beauty of the Zanzibari people. Relationships are so very important to Zanzibaris and knowing the “news” (habari) of one another’s life is crucial. Whenever I was walking with my friend around their home, it was imperative that she greet everyone and ask of the news of their life. At any given encounter these and many more questions would be asked: “Habari yako? (what’s your news?) Habari nyumbani? (what’s the news of your household?) Habari mama? (what’s the news of your mother?) Habari baba? (what’s the news of your father?) Habari Dar? (what’s the news in Dar?)” and so on and so forth. Granted though the answer to these questions was almost exclusively “nzuri” (good), what stuck me was the importance in asking about the “news” of one another’s lives. So let me ask you: Habari yako?

ATB: don't stop

Just recently, a friend of mine posted this as his facebook status: "amazing how many memories a song can hold." I'd have to agree. Music is a powerful catalyst. This song has quite a few memories for me, both happy and painful. The happy memories are the ones where I'm dancing with close friends without a care in the world. The painful memories are the ones where I'm so high on ecstasy that I can't even remember my name. I definitely don't miss those days. But, I do miss the ones where I'm dancing with close friends. What kind of memories do the songs of your life activate?

chicane: DAYLIGHT

When God first began moving in my life, letting me know that He was real, that He loved me and that He had an amazing purpose and plan for my life, He used people and music to speak to me. I was pretty deep into the rave and club scene where music, dancing and drugs was my life. When I hear the lyrics, "Is it daylight? I hardly ever notice. I hardly feel the sun. And I never feeling anyone." That was me. I lived for the night, numbed to everything but drugs and music. I used to get completely lost dancing for hours and hours on end: music, drugs and dancing was my escape from reality.

This song reminds me of those times when the light of God's Kingdom began to break into the darkness that was my life. He helped me to feel again. He helped me to come out of the darkness and into His wonderful light. At first it hurt to be exposed, but I slowly began to adjust to the light and my soul started to heal in the light of God's love. Today, I am learning to dance through life, rather than dancing to escape life. God has shown me the way of life and has granted me the joy of being in His presence and the pleasures of living with Him forever (Psalm 16:11). My prayer is that the light of God's Kingdom would begin to break in greater measure in your life and that you would begin to heal in the light of His love.