Jesus and The Introverted Thought Life (a personal commentary)

This post is for all the introverts (like myself) though technically I would consider myself an "ambivert" because there are times I do gain energy when I'm around people, but other times it is draining for me. But, if push came to shove, I do prefer to be by myself to recharge, which technically puts me firmly in the introvert camp. 

We introverts are a funny and peculiar lot. 

I can relate to this saying. There are days that I just feel like being away from people. Sometimes, even when I go out I will purposefully go out of my way to minimize my interactions with people. Now, if you are an introvert reading this I know you can relate and have probably done the same. But, I would ask that you would try and hold off any assumptions, judgments and conclusions about this and me. 

Something that I've come to realize and I know that I may offend some people in saying this: "We introverts (yes I include myself) are really good at judging people and casting them in a suspicious and negative light." The reasoning behind this (in my humble opinion) is because safety is a top priority (if not the highest priority) for an introvert. In many ways, we would like the outer world to reflect our inner world. And when it doesn't we tend to think through the many different scenarios (sometimes over and over again) until we come to an acceptable outcome. Why we do this is because we are making sure we are prepared (which helps us feel safe) or have some sort of escape route or plan just in case things don't go the way we'd like them to go. 

I can tell you from my own personal experience, that this has been true for me and I believe I am not the only introvert who feels this way. Introverts are always thinking. I appreciate this cartoon's depiction "He's got the whole world in his head." It's true. One of the hardest things for an introvert to do is to get out of their head. 

Now to the point of this blog post. 

Something God has been challenging me on is my inner thought life. More specifically on my thought life towards others. You see, I've been praying (for over a year now) asking Jesus to help me live firmly in a place of grace and goodness towards others. And since I've started praying this, God has been answering by challenging me on my introverted judgmental thought life. 

I mean how can I extend grace and goodness to others if I am having suspicious and negative thoughts about them? Thinking they have ulterior motives which at times may be true, but not always. Now I do think it is perfectly fine to make notes and observations about the things happening around us. I mean collecting data and growing in our understanding of human nature and the world around us is a good thing. But, when suspicion and negativity become the filter in which we discern the world around us, I think this is a problem. 

I mean, why can't we think better of people by giving them the "benefit of the doubt" when it comes to why they are doing what they are doing. Or better yet, wouldn't it be better to hold off all judgments until we've actually engaged with the person? Now before you start making conclusions like I'm being naive and foolish (too late?), I would further add that our thought life will always color the way we interact with people.

So, if I have already concluded some negative or suspicious things about someone even before I've engaged with them, my non-verbal language will show this in my facial expressions, body language, spacial distancing, even my vocal tone, speed or hesitancy will make these known.

Now, on the other hand, if I have withheld any suspicious or negative judgments and assumptions, I am free to see each person before me with minimal bias and be able to speak and engage with them from a place of grace and goodness. Isn't that how we see Jesus engaging with people in the Gospels? I mean He already knew things about people which was 100% accurate, unlike us who at best could be maybe averaging a 50% accuracy rate, but regardless of what He knew, Jesus still treated them with from a place of grace and goodness.

So, to all my fellow introverts, I dare you to pray this prayer: "God, help me to live firmly in the place of grace and goodness towards others." And when you do, be ready to come face to face with all your judgmental junk.

If I could share a little wisdom I've learned along the way is that God is interested in bring a lasting inward transformation to you. This means He's not really focused on your behavior, but on the condition and shape of your heart. Something I've come to realize is that the older we get, the better we are at masking our disingenuousness.

So I urge you to resist trying to hide and mask your junk but to actually invite Holy Spirit into it. And if you find yourself arguing within yourself, know that maybe you're actually arguing with Holy Spirit. In these moments, pause, take a breath, and tell Him you're sorry for trying to justify your thoughts and ways and begin listening and letting go.

I'm not going to try and sugar coat this in anyway, this is a rough and hard road to walk because it means allowing God to touch and shape the deepest parts of who we are. But, as I have been actively engaging in this for a little while now, I can tell you it is worth it. There is so much peace and freedom here that is life giving and releasing. 

Good Good Father: Chris Tomlin (written by Housefires)

I just can't stop listening to this song over and over and over again. It is such a powerfully true song about who we should understand God to be towards us. If I've learned one thing in the last 15 years of walking with Jesus, it's been that everything in the world both visible and invisible comes against the goodness of God. But, this is nothing new, it is one of the oldest stories every recorded.

After God created the universe and everything in it (Genesis 1-2), we read in Genesis 3 of the exchange between the serpent and the woman:

1 The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, "Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?" 2 "Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden," the woman replied. 3 "It's only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, "You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die." 4 "You won't die!" the serpent replied to the woman. 5 "God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil." (NIV) 

At the heart of this exchange, the serpent is attacking the goodness of God. What the serpent is trying to do is make the woman believe that 1) God has lied to them "did God really say... you won't die!"; that 2) God doesn't have their best interest in mind for them "God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as..."; and that 3) He has been holding out on them "you will be like God, knowing both good and evil." All of these come directly against God's goodness towards Adam and Eve.

The serpent of old has not changed his tactics. I can recall countless times where I have had the same kinds of thoughts float through my mind (maybe you can relate), that:

1. God has lied to me: "Did God really say He loves you?" or "Did God really say that He will never leave nor forsake you?" or "Have you really been forgiven by God?" Each of these questions is trying to get me to not trust God, to doubt His goodness towards me. 
2. God doesn't have my best interest in mind: "God didn't heal you because He wants you to suffer" or "God doesn't think you deserve to be blessed" or "If God really cared about you He won't have let that happen to you." Again, each of these statements is trying to get me to question God's care for me, to again doubt His goodness towards me. 
3. God's been holding out on me: "You see how God helped that person, but not you" or "God loves that person more than you" or "God is intentionally withholding His blessing from you." Each of these accusations are all trying to paint God as a moody and stingy God who doesn't want to bless His creation, to once again get me to doubt His goodness towards me. 

This is why I love this song so much and listen to it over and over and over again, because it reminds of the truth of God's goodness towards me in the midst of a world that would have me believe that God cannot be trusted, that He doesn't care for me, that God is a moody and stingy God who is not good. But, what I've come to know and believe both through the reading of Scripture and from my own encounters with the Living God is that He is good, that He is extremely generous, that He does care for me immensely and that I can trust Him completely. Because He is a Good Good Father.  

This is my prayer: Jesus, You tell us that "no one truly knows that Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal Him" (Matthew 11:27b NLT), So, Lord reveal the Father to us. In Your Name we ask, Amen. 

Here's the story behind the song: