In reflecting back on this day, it was filled with a day of conversations with the various people of the community that I have started to build relationships with. Though I didn't get to pray with anyone, I was praying for them in my heart as we talked. Honestly, over the past weeks, I've been feeling in greater measure the weight of this prayer ministry. It's difficult to put yourself out there for people day after day, week after week. Each day has been a day of stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping into the unknown with God. And though I would love to say that I got this down, I don't. Everyday has been a bit of struggle for me because only God knows what's going to happen each day which means I need to trust and have faith in Him.
Standing on the corner offering prayer for people has meant opening myself up to the good, the bad and the ugly. Today was filled with more of the bad and ugly than good which is always disheartening. But, as the Psalmist proclaims, "Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him" (Psalm 91:1-2 NLT). I am continually learning to allow the LORD to be my refuge. I am learning that it's not so much about hardening my heart towards people, but about enduring through their anger, pain and hurt by leaning into God's love for them. This has meant coming to terms with the shallowness of my own love and accepting that on my own I am unable to love people with the kind of love they need, even deserve. But, God has poured His love into me through the Holy Spirit and I need to trust in His love and Spirit living within me. I believe when I do this, I am seeking the refuge of the LORD in the moment. I am understanding more and more that the refuge of the LORD isn't so much about escaping, but about persevering through whatever the day may bring while still remaining faithful, kind, loving and good from moment to moment.
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