Starfield: unashamed

What does it mean to be made whole, to be made complete? Because everyday I am confronted with the reality that my soul is fractured and in need of healing. Some days are better than others, but there are those moments where I come face to face with my brokenness; soulish moments where the wounds of my heart begin to lash out at God, others, even myself. Lately, I've been feeling the force of all the many broken relationships of my past which is effecting my relational capacity to receive love.

Now, I fully understand that Jesus makes me whole. But, what I am learning is that embracing this truth is an ongoing process. It's like I need to continually remind myself that because I am in Christ I have been made complete because in Him my wounds are healed. I believe the reason this is easier said than done is because if I am to be made complete in Jesus, I need to embrace the full extent of my brokenness which is all together scary, humbling, overwhelming and painful to say the least.

But, what helps get me through is the reminder that God is love and that there is no safer place to be than at His feet. He fully accepts me just as I am, period. I don't need to feel ashamed about my brokenness because Jesus fully loves me in my brokenness while He brings healing and redemption to my brokenness. At His feet is where I am fully known and still fully loved. Jesus, "here I am at your feet, in my brokenness complete." 

The Give

We all have a longing in our hearts to love and to be loved. I think it's pretty safe to conclude that every person ever born has this longing. I believe it’s because we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). God is love (1 John 4:8) and so He designed us for love. Love is a relational concept, so for love to be fully realized there needs to be a relationship in place. But because we have all sinned and fallen from grace the way we love has become distorted where the natural inclination of our hearts is bent towards a selfish and self-serving love. That's what I see when watching this video: the results of a distorted love that ended in heartache and betrayal.

Geisha

When I first saw this video, I have to admit I was at first fascinated by what I saw. I was drawn into the seemingly secret and exotic world of the geisha (which probably reveals the narcissistic and perverse inclinations of my own heart). Historically, the geisha has a sorted past when it comes to offering sexual services to their clients. There has always been (and I imagine always will be) intense pressure from clients for geishas to sell sex. Though traditionally, geishas are considered performing artists, rather than courtesans (prostitutes), both are in the business of commodifying women.

Though typically sexual services are not the central focus of geishas as it is with courtesans, the bottom line is that geishas are trained in the art of seductive entertainment. The main purpose of their existence is to flirt with and massage the egos of their clients while they entertain them, which in many ways reveals humanity's brokenness. We (people) were made for so much more than to just use and be used by own another. Furthermore, the reason that geishas put on all the makeup is to removed any trace of individuality. If you really think this through, it's like the girls become living painted dolls for those who purchase their services. In many ways, what this does is strip away any sort of humanity from these women (in some instances teenage girls). The more I think through it, the more that my fascination begins to turn towards revulsion. I'm saddened and repulsed by the fact that the goal of all the geisha's training is to hollow them out and make them into these cloned porcelain dolls, frozen in time.

Thinking through this whole thing reminds me of an old Black Flag album called "Family Man" where some of Henry Rollins' spoken word is mixed in with some instrumentals. More specifically, it reminds me of the piece called "salt on a slug." Basically, Henry Rollins describes what happened when he poured salt on a slug. First, he was totally fascinated by the slug's writhing and oozing. But then, his "fascination turned to revulsion as the slug writhed and tossed." Eventually, he gets bored torturing the slug and leaves the slug to its writhing fate (death).

Will I let my growing repulsion isolate me away from the geisha world, uncompassionately leaving them to their fate, or will I let my repulsion fuel my passion to bring the light and hope of the Gospel into the geisha world: be it through prayer or actually face time ministry? But, I need to allow my perspective to change from being fascinated by the geisha world to being repulsed by this world. Because as long as I am captivated by this world, I will minimize the fetish deviancy of it, which will make it all the harder for me to see the underlying brokenness. I need to see the geisha world for what it is: a reflection of our fallen brokenness crying out for healing and redemption. A healing and redemption that can truly only be found in Jesus.