Struggle

It's on this day that Jesus was betrayed by a friend (Judas Iscariot) and was abandoned by a friend (Peter). It's on this night that Jesus agonized over going to the cross, but it is here in the garden of Gethsemane that Calvary was won. It's when Jesus wrestled with submitting His own will and said these words, "Not my will, but what you will," Jesus resolved in His heart to fully embrace what was ahead. After this, there was no stopping Him. He was ready.

There are moments when I am confronting with this deep sadness for sin. And it's real easy for me to be overwhelmed and consumed by hopelessness. If I'm not careful, in these moments I can easily forget that God can turn anything, even the most horrendous event, and use it in a process of good. Romans 8:28 says, "And we all know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It's in these moments that I have to ask myself, "Do I believe this?"

And if I do, I then have to ask myself, "Do I truly love God?" Jesus loved God and was called by God to change all of eternity. Jesus loves and and calls me to follow Him. Is it my love for God that drives me to follow or is it God 's love for me that is my driving force? It must be the latter because I know just how fickle and finicky my love is. I believe that when someone truly encounters the love of God that person will be changed, no ifs, ands or buts about it. God's love has a way of transforming the human heart and softening our obstinate wills (Ps 51:10).

Sometimes I can get really down on myself because I feel like I'm always wrestling with submitting my will to God. But, then I am am reminded that Jesus was human in every way, but yet was without sin (Heb 4:15) and that He also wrestled with submitting His will to God in the garden of Gethsemane. If you're like me, it's real easy to think of Jesus in superhuman ways, in ways that make Him more superhero than man. But, I don't think that's a healthy (or biblical) view of Jesus. He was human in every way, was tempted in every way that we are, so He knows of our suffering and is then able to help those who are being tempted (Heb 2:18).

It's not that we struggle, struggle is good because it shows our love for God when we do. We struggle to submit to God's will and that is a good thing. But, if you're like me, it's real easy to think that I'm such a sinner because I struggle, but that's not right either. Struggling and temptation are not sins. It's only when we stop struggling that we give into temptation and then sin. So how do I truly know that I Iove God? I know it through my struggling.