Repentance vs. Relief

The last verse of the book of Judges does a good job in summing up the book as a whole, "In those days there was no king in Israel. Everyone did what was right in his own eyes" (ESV). The Israelites are continually doing what was right in their own eyes (21:25) which to say the least seriously damaged their relationship with God. Now there comes a time when the Israelites are in over their heads (once again) and begin to cry out to God to rescue them (10:15). They even get rid of all their foreign gods (10:16). But, this seeking of God has suspicious motives and the question arises: "Is there any real repentance here or are the Israelites only seeking relief from their distress?"

When I begin seeking God for relief from distressing sin, I have to ask myself this same question: "Am I seeking relief from the consequences of my sin for my own comfort because it has made my life unmanageable or am I truly repent for it?" which provokes another question, one that more precisely targets the underlying issue: "If the sin stayed manageable would I have even sought out God?"

I'm reminded of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 7:10 "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." Worldly sorrow comes when we are only sorry for the consequences of our sins or that we got caught. When we don't get our way or what we covet or are caught with our hand in the cookie jar we sink into despair, bitterness (anger), maybe even paralysis. We sink into the murky depths of self-pity because worldly sorrow is self-centered. There is no forgiveness for admittance of guilt (being caught), only confession which involves submission.

Conversely, godly sorrow happens when a person realizes what they have done is wrong (sinned) regardless of the consequences of their actions and the need to make things right. "This is godly sorrow—one that recognizes the wrong committed and then does everything within its power to repair the damage. Simply put, godly sorrow is constructive" (2 Corinthians, IVP Commentary, 1996). Godly sorrow is active and forward moving. It is others-centered which includes God. Godly sorrow must involve mourning the destructive nature of sin both towards God and towards others.

But, "only God can empower people to change their ways. Only God can save people from the way sin imprisons them and paralyzes them. Only God can help us turn away from sin and seek salvation" (1 & 2 Corinthians, Life Appl. Commentary, 1999). We live in a world that is temporal. For lasting change, for eternal change, God must be the primary mover because He alone is the eternal Creator who is the transformer of lives (2 Cor 5:17) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

Soul Suffocation

When I read books like "Invisible Girls: The truth about sexual abuse," by Dr. Patti Feuereisen and read quotes like these, my heart pauses, it's like time hiccups and it feels like my soul can't breath.

"heart jumping

body shivering

fingers clutching

zippers unzipping

sanity escaping

good-bye little girl..." - a 16 year old sibling abuse survivor

"While my father was molesting me, I would look at the wallpaper with all the little fairies. I would pretend they were my friends, and that they were sprinkling fairy dust on me. I made up names for all the fairies, and I was the queen fairy, and I could protect every little girl in my world." - a 17 year old incest survivor.

"quick, call the cops

I've just been cocked blocked

Knocked out by a rock

My body was in shock

a flock of guys left me alone

coughing up a bloody song

how could I whimper without a fight

I was weak and the cuffs were too tight." - a 20 year old gang-rape survivor

"I wanted so many times to simply have faith, to give my soul over to the care of something else, someone else, because there were times when it felt too filthy for me to hold anymore. But then there was always some rule, like 'turn the other cheek' or 'forgive and forget.' Some concept of forgiveness that I couldn't even wrap my brain around. It seemed so incomprehensible. How do you 'forgive' someone for taking away your childhood, your wonder and your innocence and your 'first time' and your chance to discover yourself without dark pits and chasms opening up underneath you on the path? - a 22 year old incest survivor

It's question like these that makes me all the more grateful that because of Jesus' death, resurrection and ascension that true healing can happen; "by His wounds we are healed" (Is 53:5d).

Struggle

It's on this day that Jesus was betrayed by a friend (Judas Iscariot) and was abandoned by a friend (Peter). It's on this night that Jesus agonized over going to the cross, but it is here in the garden of Gethsemane that Calvary was won. It's when Jesus wrestled with submitting His own will and said these words, "Not my will, but what you will," Jesus resolved in His heart to fully embrace what was ahead. After this, there was no stopping Him. He was ready.

There are moments when I am confronting with this deep sadness for sin. And it's real easy for me to be overwhelmed and consumed by hopelessness. If I'm not careful, in these moments I can easily forget that God can turn anything, even the most horrendous event, and use it in a process of good. Romans 8:28 says, "And we all know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." It's in these moments that I have to ask myself, "Do I believe this?"

And if I do, I then have to ask myself, "Do I truly love God?" Jesus loved God and was called by God to change all of eternity. Jesus loves and and calls me to follow Him. Is it my love for God that drives me to follow or is it God 's love for me that is my driving force? It must be the latter because I know just how fickle and finicky my love is. I believe that when someone truly encounters the love of God that person will be changed, no ifs, ands or buts about it. God's love has a way of transforming the human heart and softening our obstinate wills (Ps 51:10).

Sometimes I can get really down on myself because I feel like I'm always wrestling with submitting my will to God. But, then I am am reminded that Jesus was human in every way, but yet was without sin (Heb 4:15) and that He also wrestled with submitting His will to God in the garden of Gethsemane. If you're like me, it's real easy to think of Jesus in superhuman ways, in ways that make Him more superhero than man. But, I don't think that's a healthy (or biblical) view of Jesus. He was human in every way, was tempted in every way that we are, so He knows of our suffering and is then able to help those who are being tempted (Heb 2:18).

It's not that we struggle, struggle is good because it shows our love for God when we do. We struggle to submit to God's will and that is a good thing. But, if you're like me, it's real easy to think that I'm such a sinner because I struggle, but that's not right either. Struggling and temptation are not sins. It's only when we stop struggling that we give into temptation and then sin. So how do I truly know that I Iove God? I know it through my struggling.

Redemptive Relationships

Friendships are important. When I think back on my life, what I remember most are the friendships that I held. Sure, I may remember certain times and places, but most of all I remember the people who shared those moments with me. When I look through the photo album in my mind that stores the snapshots of my life, I see people because all we truly have in life are our relationships.

Now if I call myself a Christian, the Bible challenges me to make all my relationships redemptive ones. What is a redemptive relationship? It's a relationship that always has eternity in view. Jesus was a man who lived his life on earth in this way. When Jesus talked to someone or touched someone he made an eternal impact on their lives. Sometimes it was for the better (those who accepted his message), but other times it was for the worse (those who rejected his message). Either way, people left Jesus changed.

Paul also knew the importance of always keeping eternity in view. He made sure all his relationships were redemptive ones. I'm reminded of Paul's friendship with Onesimus in the book of Philemon. One particular verse stands out to me: "I [Paul] am sending him [Onesimus]- who is my very heart - back to you [Philemon] (v.12)." Who's in your heart?

Paul continues on to say: "Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good— no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord (vv.15-16)." You see, because Paul always had one eye looking forward towards eternity, he saw the salvific nature of the situation and understood the redemptive role he would play in Onesimus' life. He was intentional about making his relationship with Onesimus a redemptive one.

Do you long for those who are dear to you, for those in your heart, to also be dear brothers and sisters in the Lord? I know I do. But, I also know that I need to be intentional about making all my relationships redemptive ones. It's a conscious choice that I must make everyday with every person in my life, including those whom I may only encounter for a moment.